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CONLANG  February 2014, Week 1

CONLANG February 2014, Week 1

Subject:

Re: OT: Mid-winter greetings

From:

Padraic Brown <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Padraic Brown <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Tue, 4 Feb 2014 20:25:58 -0800

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (194 lines)

Ray Brown wrote:

> Spring greetings to those in the northern hemisphere!

Pshaw! Spring he says, and "Winter Storm Nika" (yep, storm #14) dumping
feet of snow across a thousand miles of country and #15 on the way for the
weekend with more of the same!

Adam Walker <[log in to unmask]> wrote:


>Where I live, in Texas, summer is from the first 90-degree (F for those
>using C that's just a skosh above 32) day, to the last such day. the first
>usually occurs in early April, but may be in March. The last is usually in
>October, so about 8 months. The main feature of summer is watching the
>yards slowly turn brown and crack while the thermometers reach into the
>110s (again F, for those clinging to C above 43). Fall is that week at the
>end of summer when the trees turn yelloworangereddead and dump their leave
>in one great KAWHOOSH on the remains your lawn. Winter is the time when
>the trees are scraggly sticks poking at the sky, during which the
>thermometer occillates wildly between the 20s and the 70s, (-7 to 26 for
>you C-folk, though this year has featured trips as low as 8 [-13C] with
>wind chills in the negative numbers) occasionally covering that range in a
>single day. Winter ends when the trees begin to bud, returns when the buds
>are killed, comes back when the trees bud again, leaves when the buds are
>killed again -- it's a war of wills between winter and spring for some
>weeks with seasons alternating daily -- so really winter and spring happen
>as a sort of interleaved affair. Then just as spring seems to have the
>upper hand, summer crushes her under his sweltering heel.


That's pretty bad! Here in the black hole at the center of the political world,
things go a little bit differently. Summer temperatures here at Washington
(or Worshingtin, for the locals) rarely get above 95, but with 120% humidity,
it doesn't really much matter. It's so muggy and hot between June and August
that even people from tropical countries say "it's too damn hot here -- I'm
going home!" Indian Summer is the variable time after the mugginess breaks
a bit and temperatures generally decline from the 90s to the 50s. This can
take place well into November. Fall is that relatively short time when the
(deciduous) trees turn into spectacular reds and oranges and deep browns.
No kawhooshing here! Fall usually lasts about two to three weeks. Winter
is the amorphously long time -- actually three seasons for the price of one -- 

from about Thanksgiving until mid-to-late March when, as in Texas, temperatures 

can range from the low teens to mid 70s. 


For example, two weeks ago, it was cold enough to freeze all of Congress's hot
air, with temperatures of something like 2 or 3 degrees (God only knows
what that is in C); and this last weekend twas warm enough for a quickgeneration of bugs to take wing on a warm February day!

Thanksgiving to Christmas is a kind
of Prep-School for Old Man Winter. We don't get a lot of snow and temperatures
are rather mild (40s, maybe 50s but rarely dipping into the 20s). Christmas to
end of February is the Frigorific Rollercoaster, when all those blobs of arctic air
cascade down from Canuckistan and we all say "oh, it's cold today, eh." The first
fortnight of March is "Shilly-Shally Spring or Winter?" Raging snow or driving rain?
Lamb or Lion? And by now, Punxsutawny Phil's perspicacious prognostication shall
have come to its natural fulfillment and Winter will come to an end, just in time for
about two weeks of nice spring weather. About this time (usually early to mid April)
Summer decides that Spring has had the stage long enough and it's back where we
started.

Winter at Washington is also curious, cos this is when we shut down the Government
and schools on the merest rumour of early morning snow (which is not a bad thing, all 

things considered, for as we all know, no one's life liberty or pursuit of happiness are 

safe when the legislature is in session). So everyone gets a day off when there's no snow;
and then a week later, they won't even think to close anything down when the morning
dawns bright and clear, but that forecast 18 inch monster blizzard starts up around 11am
and now twenty million government workers and school children are trying to get home
in a foot of snow. Which leads to another thing about Winter: how poorly Washingtonians
actually drive in snow. Granted, at the best of times, Washington is known for being home
of the worst traffic and worst drivers (with the possible exception of all those crazy people
you see in Moscow on Youtube); but once the snow starts falling, all of a sudden, *everyone*
decides they just have to get out on to the roads and drive just as fast as they can (hey! 

I've got a four-wheel-drive! I can drive 70 in a foot of snow no problem! -- that's what
traction control and cruise control are for, right?) and in as small and snow-inappropriate 

cars as they can (and no, Fiat and Smart are NOT designed for driving in any amount of 

snow!). Yet here in the Winter Wonderland of Washington you'll see every tiny car owner 

in the place out there skidding and spinning around.

Well, if people from "oh, yeah, we have about eight feet of snow by Thanksgiving" Syracuse
can laugh at Washingtonians, at least the latter can stand tall and be proud that they do a far 

better job of it than the folks down in Atlanta! An inch of snow on the ground, and the whole
city literally abandoned every single car and truck on every road in the place. Amazing!
Puey McCleary <[log in to unmask]>wrote:


>> Where I live, there are basically only two seasons of the year: Christmas
>> and Summer -- or as I often call Summer, "Not Yet Christmas." All of the
>> rest of the seasons are crammed between these two big ones. So the year is
>> basically an Oreo cookie. Or an apple pie, I suppose.
>>
>> Summer is the longest season of the year, so I'll mention it first. It
>> usually lasts about six months, except for those years when it lasts much,
>> much, much longer.
>>
>> Summer begins at the beginning of April, after all of the wisteria have
>> bloomed. We know it's summer, because flowers have stopped being all silly
>> with all their bright colors. To make up for it, we humans wear the silly
>> bright colors. The big mid-summer celebration occurs on July 4th, when we
>> wear our silliest colors, have a ritual feast out of doors, and blow up
>> small parts of our yard using firecrackers. Some people think this
>> celebration has something to do about a legend in which George the Winter
>> King was banished from our land, and we have to scare him away with little
>> shining burning sticks. What makes this story quite confusing is that the
>> culture hero in it was also named George, and for some reason he had wooden
>> teeth.

Well, as everyone knws, the Winter King is deathly afraid of chattering, clacking
bits of wood! How better to scare him and his armies of Rimecoats back across
the frigid seas beyond all lands?


>> Nobody really knows when Summer ends. Some people say that it ends when
>> the children are sent back to school. Some people celebrate obscure
>> seasons called "Football Season" and "Basketball Season." On the coast we
>> celebrate something called Hurricane Season -- this season mostly involves
>> bribing Godzilla not to flood our villages again.

Ah, yes, Hurricane Season! We don't get that much up here. Though Sandy
did pay a visit some time ago, much to the dismay of of our friends up north,
who hardly even know what a hurricane is!


>> We can all agree when Autumn begins. By October, the leaves are turning
>> crazy colors, and that's our signal to stop wearing summer colors. Autumn
>> doesn't last very long at all, because the last day of October is the first
>> day of Christmas. We call that day, "Hallowe'en." 


Yes. And you can always tell, cos just after the last bit of candy corn has been
eaten, orange jack-o-lanters are mysteriously replaced by red and green stockings
and chocolate Yeolfathers in all the shops!


>> The next big holiday of
>> Christmas is called "Thanksgiving." This day involves a ritual feast
>> involving a giant bird,

Some kind of ostrich, I do believe.


>> and for some reason we either wear black with
>> buckles, or we wear feathers. The purpose of this holiday is to prepare
>> ourselves for Actual Christmas, which takes place near the end of December.
>> On this day we wear hats with a fuzzy bob on the end that serves no real
>> purpose.

Probably a matter of Deepest and Utmost Religious Significance. After all, this
is when children everywhere propitiate their god of greedy gift-grabbing by writing
elaborate prayers and engaging in some last minute spiritual tidying up of the
"oh, Yeolfather, I've been ever so good this year!" sort.

It's also when folks eat another ostrich.

Some folks, I hear tell, even fry the blasted things in huge vats of oil!


This is also the official start of Christmas Music Season.


>> In some years, Christmas ends on a day called Valentine's Day. That's a
>> day when we dress up in red and give each other paper images of hearts. In
>> other years Christmas ends on a day called Saint Patrick's Day. That's the
>> day when we dress up in green and give each other paper images of clovers.

And yet another excuse to drink to excess!

Interesting, however, that Christmas Music Season always ends on midnight of
25 December... :/


>> Either way, from Saint Patrick's day to the beginning of April is when we
>> have our brief Springtide, when the wisteria blossoms.
>>
>> So that's the way the seasons are actually divided by people who live where
>> I live. And, you know what ... I don't think I could have made up
>> something as strange as this if I tried.


Probably not. That doesn't stop us from trying!

Padraic

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December 2006, Week 1
November 2006, Week 5
November 2006, Week 4
November 2006, Week 3
November 2006, Week 2
November 2006, Week 1
October 2006, Week 5
October 2006, Week 4
October 2006, Week 3
October 2006, Week 2
October 2006, Week 1
September 2006, Week 5
September 2006, Week 4
September 2006, Week 3
September 2006, Week 2
September 2006, Week 1
August 2006, Week 5
August 2006, Week 4
August 2006, Week 3
August 2006, Week 2
August 2006, Week 1
July 2006, Week 5
July 2006, Week 4
July 2006, Week 3
July 2006, Week 2
July 2006, Week 1
June 2006, Week 5
June 2006, Week 4
June 2006, Week 3
June 2006, Week 2
June 2006, Week 1
May 2006, Week 5
May 2006, Week 4
May 2006, Week 3
May 2006, Week 2
May 2006, Week 1
April 2006, Week 5
April 2006, Week 4
April 2006, Week 3
April 2006, Week 2
April 2006, Week 1
March 2006, Week 5
March 2006, Week 4
March 2006, Week 3
March 2006, Week 2
March 2006, Week 1
February 2006, Week 4
February 2006, Week 3
February 2006, Week 2
February 2006, Week 1
January 2006, Week 5
January 2006, Week 4
January 2006, Week 3
January 2006, Week 2
January 2006, Week 1
December 2005, Week 5
December 2005, Week 4
December 2005, Week 3
December 2005, Week 2
December 2005, Week 1
November 2005, Week 5
November 2005, Week 4
November 2005, Week 3
November 2005, Week 2
November 2005, Week 1
October 2005, Week 5
October 2005, Week 4
October 2005, Week 3
October 2005, Week 2
October 2005, Week 1
September 2005, Week 5
September 2005, Week 4
September 2005, Week 3
September 2005, Week 2
September 2005, Week 1
August 2005, Week 5
August 2005, Week 4
August 2005, Week 3
August 2005, Week 2
August 2005, Week 1
July 2005, Week 5
July 2005, Week 4
July 2005, Week 3
July 2005, Week 2
July 2005, Week 1
June 2005, Week 5
June 2005, Week 4
June 2005, Week 3
June 2005, Week 2
June 2005, Week 1
May 2005, Week 5
May 2005, Week 4
May 2005, Week 3
May 2005, Week 2
May 2005, Week 1
April 2005, Week 5
April 2005, Week 4
April 2005, Week 3
April 2005, Week 2
April 2005, Week 1
March 2005, Week 5
March 2005, Week 4
March 2005, Week 3
March 2005, Week 2
March 2005, Week 1
February 2005, Week 4
February 2005, Week 3
February 2005, Week 2
February 2005, Week 1
January 2005, Week 5
January 2005, Week 4
January 2005, Week 3
January 2005, Week 2
January 2005, Week 1
December 2004, Week 5
December 2004, Week 4
December 2004, Week 3
December 2004, Week 2
December 2004, Week 1
November 2004, Week 5
November 2004, Week 4
November 2004, Week 3
November 2004, Week 2
November 2004, Week 1
October 2004, Week 5
October 2004, Week 4
October 2004, Week 3
October 2004, Week 2
October 2004, Week 1
September 2004, Week 5
September 2004, Week 4
September 2004, Week 3
September 2004, Week 2
September 2004, Week 1
August 2004, Week 5
August 2004, Week 4
August 2004, Week 3
August 2004, Week 2
August 2004, Week 1
July 2004, Week 5
July 2004, Week 4
July 2004, Week 3
July 2004, Week 2
July 2004, Week 1
June 2004, Week 5
June 2004, Week 4
June 2004, Week 3
June 2004, Week 2
June 2004, Week 1
May 2004, Week 5
May 2004, Week 4
May 2004, Week 3
May 2004, Week 2
May 2004, Week 1
April 2004, Week 5
April 2004, Week 4
April 2004, Week 3
April 2004, Week 2
April 2004, Week 1
March 2004, Week 5
March 2004, Week 4
March 2004, Week 3
March 2004, Week 2
March 2004, Week 1
February 2004, Week 5
February 2004, Week 4
February 2004, Week 3
February 2004, Week 2
February 2004, Week 1
January 2004, Week 5
January 2004, Week 4
January 2004, Week 3
January 2004, Week 2
January 2004, Week 1
December 2003, Week 5
December 2003, Week 4
December 2003, Week 3
December 2003, Week 2
December 2003, Week 1
November 2003, Week 5
November 2003, Week 4
November 2003, Week 3
November 2003, Week 2
November 2003, Week 1
October 2003, Week 5
October 2003, Week 4
October 2003, Week 3
October 2003, Week 2
October 2003, Week 1
September 2003, Week 5
September 2003, Week 4
September 2003, Week 3
September 2003, Week 2
September 2003, Week 1
August 2003, Week 5
August 2003, Week 4
August 2003, Week 3
August 2003, Week 2
August 2003, Week 1
July 2003, Week 5
July 2003, Week 4
July 2003, Week 3
July 2003, Week 2
July 2003, Week 1
June 2003, Week 5
June 2003, Week 4
June 2003, Week 3
June 2003, Week 2
June 2003, Week 1
May 2003, Week 5
May 2003, Week 4
May 2003, Week 3
May 2003, Week 2
May 2003, Week 1
April 2003, Week 5
April 2003, Week 4
April 2003, Week 3
April 2003, Week 2
April 2003, Week 1
March 2003, Week 5
March 2003, Week 4
March 2003, Week 3
March 2003, Week 2
March 2003, Week 1
February 2003, Week 4
February 2003, Week 3
February 2003, Week 2
February 2003, Week 1
January 2003, Week 5
January 2003, Week 4
January 2003, Week 3
January 2003, Week 2
January 2003, Week 1
December 2002, Week 5
December 2002, Week 4
December 2002, Week 3
December 2002, Week 2
December 2002, Week 1
November 2002, Week 5
November 2002, Week 4
November 2002, Week 3
November 2002, Week 2
November 2002, Week 1
October 2002, Week 5
October 2002, Week 4
October 2002, Week 3
October 2002, Week 2
October 2002, Week 1
September 2002, Week 5
September 2002, Week 4
September 2002, Week 3
September 2002, Week 2
September 2002, Week 1
August 2002, Week 5
August 2002, Week 4
August 2002, Week 3
August 2002, Week 2
August 2002, Week 1
July 2002, Week 5
July 2002, Week 4
July 2002, Week 3
July 2002, Week 2
July 2002, Week 1
June 2002, Week 5
June 2002, Week 4
June 2002, Week 3
June 2002, Week 2
June 2002, Week 1
May 2002, Week 5
May 2002, Week 4
May 2002, Week 3
May 2002, Week 2
May 2002, Week 1
April 2002, Week 5
April 2002, Week 4
April 2002, Week 3
April 2002, Week 2
April 2002, Week 1
March 2002, Week 5
March 2002, Week 4
March 2002, Week 3
March 2002, Week 2
March 2002, Week 1
February 2002, Week 4
February 2002, Week 3
February 2002, Week 2
February 2002, Week 1
January 2002, Week 5
January 2002, Week 4
January 2002, Week 3
January 2002, Week 2
January 2002, Week 1
December 2001, Week 5
December 2001, Week 4
December 2001, Week 3
December 2001, Week 2
December 2001, Week 1
November 2001, Week 5
November 2001, Week 4
November 2001, Week 3
November 2001, Week 2
November 2001, Week 1
October 2001, Week 5
October 2001, Week 4
October 2001, Week 3
October 2001, Week 2
October 2001, Week 1
September 2001, Week 5
September 2001, Week 4
September 2001, Week 3
September 2001, Week 2
September 2001, Week 1
August 2001, Week 5
August 2001, Week 4
August 2001, Week 3
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August 2001, Week 1
July 2001, Week 5
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July 2001, Week 3
July 2001, Week 2
July 2001, Week 1
June 2001, Week 5
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June 2001, Week 3
June 2001, Week 2
June 2001, Week 1
May 2001, Week 5
May 2001, Week 4
May 2001, Week 3
May 2001, Week 2
May 2001, Week 1
April 2001, Week 5
April 2001, Week 4
April 2001, Week 3
April 2001, Week 2
April 2001, Week 1
March 2001, Week 5
March 2001, Week 4
March 2001, Week 3
March 2001, Week 2
March 2001, Week 1
February 2001, Week 4
February 2001, Week 3
February 2001, Week 2
February 2001, Week 1
January 2001, Week 5
January 2001, Week 4
January 2001, Week 3
January 2001, Week 2
January 2001, Week 1
December 2000, Week 5
December 2000, Week 4
December 2000, Week 3
December 2000, Week 2
December 2000, Week 1
November 2000, Week 5
November 2000, Week 4
November 2000, Week 3
November 2000, Week 2
November 2000, Week 1
October 2000, Week 5
October 2000, Week 4
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October 2000, Week 2
October 2000, Week 1
September 2000, Week 5
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September 2000, Week 1
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June 2000, Week 5
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June 2000, Week 3
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June 2000, Week 1
May 2000, Week 5
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May 2000, Week 1
April 2000, Week 5
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April 2000, Week 2
April 2000, Week 1
March 2000, Week 5
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March 2000, Week 3
March 2000, Week 2
March 2000, Week 1
February 2000, Week 5
February 2000, Week 4
February 2000, Week 3
February 2000, Week 2
February 2000, Week 1
January 2000, Week 5
January 2000, Week 4
January 2000, Week 3
January 2000, Week 2
January 2000, Week 1
December 1999, Week 5
December 1999, Week 4
December 1999, Week 3
December 1999, Week 2
December 1999, Week 1
November 1999, Week 5
November 1999, Week 4
November 1999, Week 3
November 1999, Week 2
November 1999, Week 1
October 1999, Week 5
October 1999, Week 4
October 1999, Week 3
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October 1999, Week 1
September 1999, Week 5
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September 1999, Week 1
August 1999, Week 5
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August 1999, Week 3
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July 1999, Week 5
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June 1999, Week 5
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April 1999, Week 1
March 1999, Week 5
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March 1999, Week 3
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February 1999, Week 5
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February 1999, Week 1
January 1999, Week 5
January 1999, Week 4
January 1999, Week 3
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January 1999, Week 1
December 1998, Week 5
December 1998, Week 4
December 1998, Week 3
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December 1998, Week 1
November 1998, Week 5
November 1998, Week 4
November 1998, Week 3
November 1998, Week 2
November 1998, Week 1
October 1998, Week 5
October 1998, Week 4
October 1998, Week 3
October 1998, Week 2
October 1998, Week 1
September 1998, Week 5
September 1998, Week 4
September 1998, Week 3

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